One of our profound sex worker mothers/leaders, Robyn Few died in 2012. PJ Starr and her daughter Blaze stayed with Robyn for three weeks for the holiday period in 2011. It was a very hard time, Robyn had learned from her doctor that no more treatments remained and that she needed to "live her life." She did until her passing in September 2012. Before her death she wrote and recorded some of her thoughts. On "boxing day" 2011 Robyn started writing this post about family and parenting, the first in a series of notes PJ and other friends wrote for Robyn.
Robyn Few's first essay, December 26, 2011
I think I want to talk about family.
I think the most difficult thing in my life, has been to be close to my family. That seems to be for most people a no-brainer but in my family this has been extremely hard work.
To go so long and want so much. It may be that it won't be that you ever find that. It has been great to be part of a big family, my Southern roots. And then to have grandchildren, I never expected that.
I do not know what can prepare anyone for motherhood. I don't think my mom was prepared.
For sex workers we have to be extremely selfish but not as much as actors, the most selfish people, they have to think about their nails! It is funny now to watch a lot of sex workers grow up and decide to share their lives with children. Some have waited. I was surprised by my daughter. If I had not been surprised I never would have had her.
People always ask me if I have any regrets but it is very hard for me to regret my life because they were my choices. Maybe I screwed it up, maybe I didn't.
They are making a choice when to have a baby rather than being surprised. That is a luxury that we can afford, this was not always true. Because we have matured in our movement, we are there to help each other, we have created a community. And when you don't have family it is really nice to build your own.
I find my sex worker community to be entrenched in family.